Friday, March 12, 2010

The Not-Napping Chronicles


One o'clock: Tucked in. Read to. Sung to.
"Night, night. Lay down and go to sleep."
"I want hallway light on."
"It's day time, Reagan. You don't need the light."
"I want fan on."
"It's not hot. You're fine. No fan. Go to sleep."

5 minutes later - Firetruck sirens erupt.
"Reagan! No toys. Put that back in the bin and lay down."
"I put it right here," placing it carefully beside the bed.
"Fine. Whatever. Lay down."
He lays back, feet hanging off the bed.
"I lay on my tow-boy." (his cowboy quilt)
"Fine. Go to sleep."

5 minutes later - Jordan leaves for school.
"Daddy! Daaaaaaa-ddy!"
"Reagan. What?!"
"Where's Daddy go?"
"He went to school. Lay down and go to sleep."
"He's tum back?"
"Yes, he'll be back later. Lay down."
"He's tum back fi-day?"
"Today is Friday. He'll be back later. Go to sleep."

5 minutes later - Giggling and banging.
"Reagan. No toys. Put the blocks away."
"I building."
"You should be sleeping. Lay down."
"I need get Kitty. He's outside." (in the red wagon, actually)
"Fine. Get him." (rushes outside)
"He needs go potty."
"No, he's fine. Get in bed and lay down."
"He's pooping!"
"Fine. I will take him potty. You lay down and go to sleep."
(seconds later)
"You take him potty?"
"Yes."
"You wash his hands?"
"Yes. Lay down. Go to sleep."

5 minutes later - Potty Break
"Mooooooomy! Mommyyyyy!"
"Reagan! What?!"
"I need go potty."
"Right. Let's go then."
He sits on the toilet. "I need go peepee an poo poo."
"Fine. Go."
(long pause as he jabbers to himself)
"Are you done yet?"
"Nope. Not yet."
"Come on. You're done. Lay down. Go to sleep."

5 minutes later - The Morning Tactic
"Mommy!"
"Reagan! What now?!"
"Iss da mo-ning. I wake up!"
"No, it's naptime. You haven't yet gone to sleep. Lay down. Go to sleep."
"But issa mo-ning!"
"Good night. No toys. Put that back in the bin. Lay down. Pick up Clarence (the sock monkey). Lay down. Put your head on the pillow. Here's your blankie. Go to sleep."

5 minutes later - The Front Room Ploy
"Mommy!"
"Reagan."
"I need go front room."
"Nope. Absolutely not. No."
"But I need go front room."
"Lay down. Go to sleep."

5 minutes later - Trash Run
"Mommy? Mommy?"
"Hmmmm."
"I need put dat in trash."
(sigh)
"Das okay? I put dat in trash?"
"What is that?"
"Iss paper."
"Fine. Now get in bed. Lay down. Go to sleep."


It's 2 o'clock now and I'm pretty certain I'm the more exhausted of the two of us.

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